be stupid once.

i got played. but first, let me tell you the story..

we were classmates for two subjects. i had a crush on him since the first time i saw him in class.. He is seated a row after mine. my friends knew everything i had for him and they began teasing us. One day, towards the end of the semester, i was shocked when i found out he added me up of facebook and sent a message asking some sort of religious stuffs.

we communicated hardly through facebook and then he asked for my number. not long enough, i dared to confess my hidden admirations for him on one of my messages.. to my surprise, his feelings toward me was somehow, mutual. he said he first noticed me but he never expected things would go this way.. -that i'd like him.

he started talking about 'us' and asking if he'll ever get the chance of winning my heart.. to stay poised in this heart-crushing moment, i replied with a laugh. it wasn't a 'yes' nor a 'no'. it was just a laugh.

when i started soliciting advices from friends about the whereabouts of our relationship, some said no, some said go. but i remained silent.. they knew i am bursting inside. and that i really wanted to say 'yes'.

until, a classmate mentioned him, having an affair with a 'normalite'. in short, he has a girlfriend. i was shocked, as normal girls would be if they're on my shoes. but as i slowly digested everything, i came to a realization that indeed, i got played.

it's not the fact of being played that hurts me the most.. it was the feeling of expecting too much from him that hurts me the most. i thought, he would be better than others since we share same faith with God. i thought, he's different. but he was not.

obviously, he was just the same with other guys i have known of since i was young. he plays with girl's emotions.

despite the shame and anger i felt towards him, i'd still be thankful to God cause He was able to stop things before anything gets worse.

so from now on, i will always remember the lesson i learned from this experience. I won't hate myself for being played by him. but i'd definitely hate myself if i let him do it again.