be stupid once.

i got played. but first, let me tell you the story..

we were classmates for two subjects. i had a crush on him since the first time i saw him in class.. He is seated a row after mine. my friends knew everything i had for him and they began teasing us. One day, towards the end of the semester, i was shocked when i found out he added me up of facebook and sent a message asking some sort of religious stuffs.

we communicated hardly through facebook and then he asked for my number. not long enough, i dared to confess my hidden admirations for him on one of my messages.. to my surprise, his feelings toward me was somehow, mutual. he said he first noticed me but he never expected things would go this way.. -that i'd like him.

he started talking about 'us' and asking if he'll ever get the chance of winning my heart.. to stay poised in this heart-crushing moment, i replied with a laugh. it wasn't a 'yes' nor a 'no'. it was just a laugh.

when i started soliciting advices from friends about the whereabouts of our relationship, some said no, some said go. but i remained silent.. they knew i am bursting inside. and that i really wanted to say 'yes'.

until, a classmate mentioned him, having an affair with a 'normalite'. in short, he has a girlfriend. i was shocked, as normal girls would be if they're on my shoes. but as i slowly digested everything, i came to a realization that indeed, i got played.

it's not the fact of being played that hurts me the most.. it was the feeling of expecting too much from him that hurts me the most. i thought, he would be better than others since we share same faith with God. i thought, he's different. but he was not.

obviously, he was just the same with other guys i have known of since i was young. he plays with girl's emotions.

despite the shame and anger i felt towards him, i'd still be thankful to God cause He was able to stop things before anything gets worse.

so from now on, i will always remember the lesson i learned from this experience. I won't hate myself for being played by him. but i'd definitely hate myself if i let him do it again.

rushing down towards LOVE

HAVE YOU EVER MET A GIRL WHO DREAMS EVERY SINGLE SECOND OF HER LIFE MEETING HER PRINCE CHARMING?

i guess, that's me. I always dream of finding true love, as soon as possible. I envy the girls who were already settled with their princes. when i was little, i use to admire different men and then i use to be married with each of them in my dreams.

most of the time, i dream of my very own fairytale. I dream of becoming an heir to a throne which i ust knew when i turned 18. i also dream of becoming miserable all my life and finding my prince charming who seems to be a scion to a crown that would save me from the missery i were in. sometimes, i dream of finding true love by walking along the streets and accidentally bumping on to someone who'll be my groom for the next 4 hours.

i have a lot of 'perfect' plots for my own love story. i always plan things out, on my own... trusting my own will and understanding.

i am tired of trusting someone to do it for me.. tire dof waiting for that day to arrive. sometimes, or should i say, most of the time, i rush down to Love... sometimes, i doubt if love can really find me.. and i sometimes want to just get out and find love itself.


they say, people who finds love from relationships were mostly deserted by family members. But i was born in a loving family.. and i have good friends, or a friend, at least.

i just don't understand why i love to rush down on love.. hmm..


i dunno what to do.. i need guidance from above.

i am praying that He'll send me the HOLY SPIRIT to guide my wandering heart. :)

daz

spongeBob.. that's who he is. We see everyday at school-exept for wednesdays.. He is a year older than me and i am not so sure if he is a psych, com sci, or a mngt stude.. it's a lil bit confusing, really. All i know is that he's attached to spongebob.

my friends and i use to call him 'daz'. haha.. because of the word sponge. I guess, that term of endearment has really became pop among my buddies.

We share same faith. :) He has a good posture and He's kind'a cute.. -for me.

too bad, i am not so sure if he even knows my name. :( we're not friends.

hidden desires

when i was little, my mom wants me to be a lawyer.. until i reached college, most of my decisions were from her.. it has been a frustration on her part that despite the fact that she wants to be an atty, she ended up being an engr..
i took up poli sci because of two reasons.. it's what mom says that's best for me and it's what i got for taking UPCAT. No one knows what I really like.. and even if they knew, they'd still think that poli sci would be much much better..
i always wanted to be an international flight stewardess.. i also dreamt of becoming a fashion designer.. that's the simple part of me.. But my mom thinks that it'd be better if i set my eyes on higher goals..
but now, i think it's different. i was thinking maybe i could just give up everything i have and take a plane ride to a very very far country where i can start a life following my heart. :) i am thinking of the possibility of giving up her dream and then going after mine.
maybe, if i am plucky enough, i would run away towards my goals.. but in reality, i am big coward..
Coward enough to decide for myself, fearing that i may be wrong..

high school trauma

i have never been into a formal 'boy-girl relationship' before.. but i sure know how it feels to be emotionally attached to someone special..

way back three years ago, i fell in love with a guy who seemed to be nice and 'loyal'.. too bad he's a year older than me so he had to go to college first. about a month after he got admitted at the university he was applying, he found his new Love affair with a girl named 'boss'.. bottomline, he broke up with me -though we weren't having any formal relationship at that time.

i felt anger, of course. i was mad that i want to take revenge.. only then i learned that if a guy does nice things for you, it's NEVER a guarantee that he'll be willing to stick around you forever.. cause you know what, bitterly, forever is a LIE.

now that i am seventeen and, should i say, a lil bit wiser than before, i can handle things with men in a more professional way.. :D

still, i never engaged in any formal relationships with men yet.. well it doesn't mean i didn't liked any.. though i really do. i really liked a lot of 'em.. it's just that i was way too hurt to trust all their fake promises...

power in a relationship lies with whoever cares less.. (from a movie i just watched earlier..) but you see, power means happiness right? so happiness can only be seen when we care more than less...


and so, to end this... i want to stress out something.. in love, there's no such thing as taking.. it's always about giving.. so if you think that the person you love can't love you back as what you deserve, don't just stop there.. Love 'em.. like you're not expecting anything in return. :D

just a character

I always love magics and fairytales.. I used to dream of being a princess awaiting for her prince charming who's on his way to save her all the time.

Like every girl I have known in town, I also fall in love with a person who is mainly, just a character himself. He was an heir of a throne that was dreamt by most people. He is tall, handsome (super!), intelligent (smart), rich, and a respected one.

When he falls for a girl, he would surely make her feel true love from him.. He would even turn his back on the throne and on the family just to be with his true love.

He never chooses the prettiest, the smartest, and the richest. In fact, he chose the opposite. He never looks at the outside. He believes that what's at the inside is a lot lot more important.

He wants to prove to his friends that he is indeed a real man... a man who is dignified enough to withstand all trials for the girl he loves... even if it may cost his very own life.

He would prefer to have a ribcage broken than her girl's finger be hurt by anyone. And when he falls, he falls. No matter what.

Both friendship and love is important to him.

Despite his being serious and scary sometimes, his sense of humor won't be absent if situation needs. He is a kind of guy that even if he'll be having any brain problems, his heart won't be forgetful of the girl he loves...

...and he is very much appealing.


Despite his perfections, that i myself can surely affirm, there's still one thing that is a problem... and I believe it would remain as it is.


This guy, is out there somewhere... Somewhere in my mind.

like apples

Women are Like apples. The good ones are at the top. Men usually would settle for the fallen apples because they don't want to climb the tree and fall. Apples on top would envy the fallen apples because they're taken easily. But, the apples on top won't go down to their level. They'll patiently wait for the right man who'll patiently climb his way up to get them.

inlove with her

I fell inlove not with a guy but with a girl; not the love that you feel towards the opposite sex but towards a sister.

It all started exactly six months ago when we first had a dinner at that place. We love the food, the lights, the view from the top, the music, the too much noise during lunch time, the stillness during dinner time, the memories, etc.

We always meet their during lunch time every tuesday. That's our venue for T4T. When we had talks about personal stuffs, we fixed all things there... in that table with four seats across each other... at the end of the hallway in the second floor. Sometimes, i feel uplifted by just being there even if I'm alone.

I always dream of having a sister; either older or younger. But I didn't have. So, I always look at her as a sister of my own. That's whom I fell inlove with.

it just happened

Did it occur to you when you just stared at someone and sparks suddenly popped out from nowhere?

It was 6 in the afternoon when I went home. While the jeepney was still waiting for other passengers, I noticed him in front of me, staring at me. It must have been because of my make-up or something, I thought. But practically, it wasn't. He kept on staring and me? I just let him stare.

He is Paquit, Eric D. from USPF-AHRST. You may start wondering how did I get this specific information about him. Well, I can read of course. Good thing he is wearing a name plate. He has a 5:30 pm class every wednesday and he only has a friendster account-no facebook account.

hahaha.. It was exactly 6:25 when I arrived home and all he said to me when I took off was, "byebye".. It was just 25 minutes of my 24-hour day.. yet it made me smile during the next 23 hours and 35 minutes.

and Ever since I met you, no other guy is even worth thinking about.

love at math

I have a math subject every one o'clock in the afternoon. I am always seated in the front row and I always sit beside him. He is a computer science student, probably a year older than me, and he is always wearing white. Well, at least that's what I often notice about him.

He never dares to look at me. He don't even know my name or doesn't even care about my existence in the room. One time, when I attempted to give him a smile, He turned his face away before I could release my most sensational smile.

Math is boring and we both know it. But he makes it lively. Too bad I can't do the same thing for him.